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So far Jeremy Rolleston has created 130 blog entries.
1806, 2013

You just kinda want it – you don’t want it as much as you want to be cool

By |June 18th, 2013|Motivation, Uncategorized|0 Comments

“Most of you say you want to be successful … but you don’t want it bad – you just kinda want it …
you don’t want it badder than you want to party …
you don’t want it as much as you want to be cool …
most of you don’t want success as much as you want to sleep”

Wow. Now that’s a reminder. A reminder that you can’t wish your dreams into being. Thinking something is all well and good, but it’s not the same as doing. Success doesn’t just happen – it takes hardwork and commitment and discipline. It takes pushing through the ups and downs that come your way on the journey. It takes saying no to things and forgoing other things. It takes not accepting excuses. It takes an active decision to prioritise that goal and dream that you’re chasing. It takes time. And it takes motivation.

When I coach or speak to people about motivation I always explain that to be truly effective it has to come from the heart not the head. That is, it comes from deep inside you. It isn’t just positive talk that stems from your head. Or that song or speech or video that pumps you up for that moment. Or consciously willing yourself to do something. They’re all fine and good. But real motivation is a deep powerful force coming from within you – pushing you forward to what you want. That help you get through those obstacles and set-backs and disappointments. It is those deep unconscious emotional drivers in action (see Chapter 4 of my book ‘A Life That Counts‘ for more on this and the psychology around the Limbic System / motivation / making change.

So use this video to inspire you, but realise that to really start to move forward to the things you want it will take two things:

1. A decision

2. Figuring out WHY you really want that thing / goal / dream. The deep reason of why you want whatever you want to achieve / be / do. No, really: why do you want it? What will you get from it? How will you feel about yourself? What will it mean to achieve your dream?
You see when you’re clear on ‘why’ you’re doing something, then the ‘hows’ become clearer and become simply a means of making the ‘why’ come to pass.

 

Here’s a couple of examples of what I mean from two incredible contributors to my book.

1. Lydia Lassila (Olympic Gold Medallist):

‘Throughout my whole career, I was frustrated because I knew my potential. I knew I was better than the results I was showing. I’d perform well and have a sense of accomplishment, but I’d then get another injury and get so down and disappointed. What kept me going, though, was knowing I was better and could be better and that I had the potential to be number one in the world. I hadn’t got there yet, but that was what was motivating me: the fact that I knew I hadn’t yet reached my full potential. I knew my potential was the gold medal. I knew it was to break the world record. It’s personal reward, and I’ll take that to the grave with me.’

2. Michael Milton (World Sportsperson of the Year with a Disability, multiple Paralympic Gold medallist, Winter and Summer Paralympian):

‘One of the things cancer takes away from you is your own belief in yourself, particularly as your body starts to fail. You start to lose that self-worth. About a month after I’d finished my cancer treatment, I really had no idea of where or what I wanted to do in my life. The prognosis looked good in terms of going into remission, and my health had improved, but I just didn’t know what I was going to do. Was I going to be an athlete or apply for a real job? I found myself sitting with my ‘Goals’ folder, and when looking through it, I saw a goal I’d set myself 18 months before: to go to Beijing as a track cyclist. I think that when I wrote that goal down, it was more of an option at the time. I wasn’t fully committed to it at that time, and so after I’d researched it and considered it further, I wrote on another piece of paper a whole pile of points – the good things that could come out of this goal even if I didn’t achieve it. This was my ‘why’ and helped me to really commit to the goal fully. It was about getting healthy and fit again. It was about giving myself something to do. It was about motivation to get out of bed on a daily basis when I had no energy. It was more than just achieving that goal. And I remember the reward of just receiving that phone call from the head coach telling me I’d been selected for Beijing, and just sitting on the bed with my wife, crying our eyes out.’


Challenge

What do you want ?
Why ?
Find your ‘why’ and get clear on that …
and then watch and feel the difference in your motivation and then your behaviour.

 

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406, 2013

Pareto+ – my best productivity tips

By |June 4th, 2013|Efficiency|1 Comment

You might remember a past post of mine where I gave 5 tips on time management, efficiency and productivity. I like writing about these things because personally I love learning things that will then help me to become more efficient and productive. I mean why would I want something to take me longer than it could? Or why would I do something one way if there is a better way to do it? I’m not into change for change’s sake and I’m no techno geek, but once I’m onto something, if it can work for me in my everyday life and make me more efficient and productive then I’ll happily embrace it. In fact – bring it on!
So here’s some of the best tips I know or have come across to help you be more efficient and productive. Enjoy !


Tip 1 – Don’t mistake being busy with being productive. They’re two different things

I’ve fallen into this trap recently I think. Sometimes doing less and doing it in a more focussed and successful way can make you achieve more and be more productive.  A couple of ways I’ve heard of people putting this into action are:

  • Method 1 – “In days” and “out days” – on the in days you hunker down, do not leave the office or house and work hard. On the out days you do all your errands, meetings and other activities.
  • Method 2 – “Time chunking” – setting aside chunks of time for completing specific tasks to get everything done. For example you could set aside different days or different times of the day for specific types of activities
  • Method 3 – “Pomodoro technique” – Developed in the 90s by an Italian efficiency enthusiast, it’s stupidly simple and aimed at instilling focus and a sense of urgency. Basically you pick a task and take one of those kitschly 90s red tomato kitchen timers and set it to 25 minutes. Next, you churn through your task, ignoring distractions, not stopping to make tea or stare at the ceiling. You then rest for 5 minutes and repeat the cycle three more times, after which you rest for a good half hour and grab lunch or read emails. The aim is to work to these 30-minute cycles daily, building up the self-discipline muscle. (I’ve also come across this same method but applied per hour. That is – work hard for 50 minutes and then have 10 minutes off and repeat).
  • Method 4 – “Eat That Frog technique” – This is based on Brian Tracy’s book and the concept is to sit down and write a master list of everything you need to get done, from the pressingly urgent to the one-day-I’ll-get-around-to-it stuff. (This includes everything from work-related tasks to personal errands). Then you prioritise with a letter beside each item. A items are extremely urgent, B items are things that need to be done but not urgent, C items are things that would be nice to do but are not imperative, and D items you delegate to someone else. Once you have this list, start writing daily lists based off this master list. The idea is that you ALWAYS do your A tasks first, and never do a C item before an A item is completed. So being clear on what needs to be done is key but then just executing it the other half. “An average plan vigorously executed is far better than a brilliant plan on which nothing is done.”
  • Method 5 – “How do you eat an elephant technique” – What is it with the animal examples? Anyway, to do any task, you must chunk it down into segments. So if you are procrastinating, just chunk it down to a small amount of time – say half the time you need. An hour becomes 30 minutes. 15 minutes becomes 7. Anything to begin! This makes hard tasks more digestible. And once something is started, you have more motivation to finish it so it is less likely that you will procrastinate further.


Tip 2 – Never, ever check your email first thing in the morning

Again, I can’t say I’m good at this and I have felt recently that my email has been ruling me rather than the other way around. But when I have employed this it has been very good. Basically the night before I have written a to-do list for the next day and then when I come in I get straight into doing that one main thing that I know needs to be done that day. I do this when I’m freshest and the office is quietest. And before I can procrastinate or before email inevitably derails my day and sends me down a path of being busy but not necessarily productive. So I just get into this main task first up – without opening my email. Then when I’m finished that task, I have this great sense of completion and at that point I check my email and get with all the other things that I need to do.


Tip 3 – Use Hootsuite for all social media.

It’s the only (to my knowledge) free desktop that allows me to post to all (or a few) social media outlets at once. Again, I have a “hootlet” widget in my bookmarks and can share a link everywhere in an instant.


Tip 4 – Use Evernote.

Evernote lets you capture anything – ideas, images, links, photos. And you can get access to it anywhere as it syncs between Evernote works with nearly every computer, phone and mobile device out there. So it is a smart and easy way of keeping everything in one place. Plus you can find things fast because you can search by a keyword or tag (even within handwritten text in an image or within a pdf).

So if you are on the ferry and think of something or see something you like – save it in Evernote and then you can get it anytime – even when you’re not in front of your computer or if you’re overseas travelling and only have your phone. (Apparently they are also releasing a Moleskine that will scan your handwriting directly into Evernote … nice !)


Tip 5 – Use the keychain access function or use Lastpass

Keychain Access is a Mac function. It’s a secure spot where you can put all your passwords on one spot for easy access. I use Lastpass for the same purpose. It is secure and can be accessed from anywhere from any device. You could use it for more than just your passwords – really anything you want – be that passwords or personal information. Don’t forget this password though !


Tip 6 – You don’t have to reply to every email

I reckon about 50% of emails are wastes of time. You know the ones I mean. Everyone is cc’d on them and they go round and round and fill up your inbox. Or the ones that are just stupid and could be better solved by picking up the phone. Every email you write, some study has found, creates an extra three. And the thing is, with everyone writing so many emails without much thought on productivity / necessity, the sender rarely remembers writing it or whether you haven’t replied. So feel free to delete some email (you can always search in trash if necessary) and feel free to not return every email. I figure I can always do a search in my trashed items if I have to find something again.

I really enjoyed Sarah Wilson’s blog post on e-tox on this topic. Have a read.


Tip 7 – Use tools like ‘Siri’ or Oh Don’t Forget or ‘Notes’ to remember things

In my case I tend to use Notes on my iphone and when I think of things on the fly, type them into there and then it automatically syncs to my computer (it shows up in my email inbox). Others use Siri on their iPhone5 (I’m a bit behind the times here I’m afraid) for writing long texts or remembering things . Or you could use a tool like Oh Don’t Forget which sends free text reminders to yourself and others.


Tip 8 – Use Dropbox.

Like Evernore dropbox syncs across all your devices so you can save your photos, files, videos, music to dropbox and access it anywhere. It also acts as a cloud back-up. And then it allows you to share your files easily – so no need to ever email a file to yourself again! Here’s a list of some other things you could do in dropbox.


Tip 9 – Less meetings.

I think people forget that in most cases, meetings aren’t work. In my experience they are excuses for inaction and lack of executive decision making. After all, talking about doing something is different to actually doing it. A day of minimal meetings will see your productivity shoot up. Ask yourself – could a conversation, email or other form of communication be done instead of a meeting? Meetings should be used for 1) communicating an executive decision (one-way information dissemination)  or 2) truly discussing an idea and brainstorming, truly eliciting suggestions from teams and coming up with a solution to a problem (two-way information sharing). However I think you’ll agree with me that many meetings we hold or attend fall into that middle ground in which case they aren’t actually productive. Can this be solved with a simple conversation or simple email? Can you send an SMS to arrange a mobile phone hook-up at a time outside of the core part of the day?

After all of that, if you still need to hold a meeting then the challenge is to make them effective. (In this vain, consider things like – the length of time of a meeting, setting the objectives/agenda for the meeting, having the right people invited, starting on time, sticking to the agenda, assigning action items, ending when you need to not when Outlook says you should).

I could write a lot on this. But another two good posts to read and challenge you on this topic are by Tim Ferriss – here and here.


Tip 10 – Use email folders.

Perhaps this is pretty obvious, but it is surprising how many people don’t use them. Using email folders mean  you can quickly and easily find whatever you’re looking for.


Tip 11 – Get organised. Lists are good.

I’ll let you in on a little secret. I am old school when it comes to much of my diary.


It isn’t that I don’t use an electronic diary or that I don’t share an online diary. I do. But on the whole I use an old school diary. For me it works. Of course, this is fraught with the danger of losing it, but it works for me because it forces me to continue to write lists (see how I have a list for the week cut into various categories and sub-tasks) and then each day has its to-do list. I like being able to print things out that might relate to that week (eg an invitation) and keep it in the diary for that week.

I’m showing you this because arguably the important thing is not which method you use but that you do it. Find what works for you. But regardless do it. Lists. Tasks. Being organised.


Tip 12 – Your environment helps – choose the right environment

Work in a place that you associate with work, such as an office building or library.  Don’t try to work on something that requires sustained attention in the place where you play and relax, such as your bedroom or family room.  Your surroundings set the stage for your focus – if they are associated with work, you will focus on work. And the same goes for play of course – and we can never have enough of that!


Tip 13 – Healthy body, healthy mind – take breaks. 

I actually find this hard. Ask my partner or work colleagues. BUt taking a break will timulate your productivity. Sitting at a desk for hours is not the best way to be the most productive. So get up, grab a coffee, water a plant, go for a run … it will improve your concentration and focus and your productivity will soar. Try it.


Tip 14 – Use Instapaper for long readsI

This is new to me and I’m going to implement it. It is a great program / tool that allows you to save web pages for reading later. Basically Instapaper gives you a Read Later bookmark and when you find something you want to read, but you don’t have time, you click Read Later. It then saves the links you want to read later or use another time. So then when you have time, you go back there, go through your stored links and read them or file them into categories. (For example, read a bunch when travelling by downloading them to read on the plane. Or read a few on the bus / train / ferry on the way home). Read Sarah Wilson’s blog on it here.

Tip 15 – Use Jing for screencasting

This is free, open source screen capture software that lets you record and share images, video and what you see on your screen. So, you can select any window or region on your screen and then share it in various ways. Or you can select any window or region on your computer that you would like to record and Jing will capture everything that happens in that area. It is good for doing webinars or recording instructions for your virtual assistant or others.

 

Challenge
Which of these tips can you implement to become more productive? 

 

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2105, 2013

The journey has begun … (Beach Flags – Part 3)

By |May 21st, 2013|Dare to Dream, The Daily Process|0 Comments

Here’s the next instalment of my Beach Flags journey.
You will recall that after reading and getting a lot out of my book ‘A Life That Counts’, my friend Jesper told me that he liked how my book was so practical, but he wanted even more. More details on HOW. HOW did I actually go after my own goals and dreams. What did I do – step-by-step.

So here’s part 3 to give you what you asked for. And using my latest goal and challenge – to become the World Champion (40-45 years) in Surf Life-Saving Beach Flags in 2014.

Step 6 – Learn from and model the best
I’m a massive believer in doing things right the first time and learning from the best. Why would I want to learn the wrong technique at the outset, only to have to try and change it down the track? Why wouldn’t I just learn it the correct way from the beginning – even if that takes a bit longer? Why wouldn’t I ask advice from people who know more? Why wouldn’t I suck all the knowledge that I could out of the best ?

Well that’s exactly what I went about doing ! And the best in the world in this event is Simon Harris. He is a multiple World Champion and (now) 10 time Australian Champion. 10 times ! Damn, that’s impressive.

 

And fortunately for me, Simon is one of those guys who is so good at what he does, that he doesn’t have anything to prove or any barriers to put up. He’s happy to share his knowledge with others. Thankyou Simon ! (As an aside I’ve found this to be the case with very successful people. They may be hard to track down or get their time and attention but when you do, they are only more than happy to share their wisdom, knowledge and insight. In contrast I have found that the less successful – those people who don’t want to help you, who defend their silos, who keep all their knowledge to themselves, who put you down to make themselves better etc – they’re those ‘small-minded’ people who don’t carry any of the big-mindedness of the truly successful who don’t have anything to prove or defend).

So I copied Simon. I modelled everything he did. I watched him on videos and copied it. Like a little kid.

And when I was up on the Gold Coast, where Simon is from, I got in contact with him (through a proper introduction) and went and did a training session with him. It was fantastic and so helpful.
And along the way I would occasionally text him with some questions. Or get him to watch me do a couple of starts if we were ever in the same competition and warming -up.

Yep – model the best !

Step 7 – Just do it. Talk is cheap
The thing is … I could have the best vision board in the world. Great goal-setting. I could have amazing contacts with World Champions like Simon and my coach Marty Lynch who help me and give me input. But at the end of the day, no matter which way you look at it – you’ve got to do the work. Plain and simple. Talk is cheap.

So this step was all about me just getting in and doing the work. I knew that I didn’t have a great training base under me for this years championships. I knew that I was only learning. I knew that I was underdone. But at this point I just needed to focus and do the training. So it was off to the gym to get stronger. Off to the track to get faster. Off to the physio and chiro to get over strains and injuries. Off to the bank to pay for it all ! 🙂 Into the kitchen to prepare stuff so I’d eat better. Down to the beach to practice the get-up and turn – the one I had watched so many times on the video but needed to figure out for myself. And off to competitions to get experience and practice.
And it is the same with any goal you’re going after. Talk is cheap. you’ve got to do the work. As Muhammad Ali said “The fight is won or lost far away from the witnesses – behind the lines, in the gym and out there on the road, long before I dance in those lights”.

Step 8 – Enjoying the journey
I’ve done a lot of sport over the years with rugby and bobsleigh. Too many to count but just over 20 years of serious sport. And the whole point of doing Beach Flags was to enjoy being fit and to enjoy the next challenge. To enjoy not having to cart a massive bobsleigh around everywhere. To enjoy doing a summer sport because both rugby and bobsleigh are winter sports. To enjoy being in good shape. To enjoy new experiences. To enjoy meeting new people and so on. And I am … and that is a big part of the journey. After all, if you don’t enjoy it, why would you do it ?

Step 9 – Test myself and see where I’m at
I had no specific goals this year. I am only 3 months into the sport and have a lot to learn. And I don’t really know what to expect. So doing competitions was more about the experience and learning rather than aiming for a particular result. But as is the case whenever you set goals, you need to see where you’re at so that you know if you’re on track to achieve your goal or not. Do you need to adjust? Are you ahead or behind of where you should be ? What have you learnt and need to learn ?

And for me this was competing in the State Championships and then the Austrlaian Championships.

I surprised myself in the State Titles by winning it and so it was off to the Nationals last month. (As much as I had no expectations this year having just begun this journey as I said, when you’re in competition that all flies out the window of course. You want to win ! Whether you’ve done the work to back up the will is another question entirely. (I love the quote that says “Plenty of people have the desire to be champions but only champions have the desire to prepare !”.
Anyway I entered the Australian Championships with no massive expectations, but still a secret goal to win a medal).

And guess what – good news – I did – I won silver !


So it was a very happy Jeremy who came back to Sydney having enjoyed the whole experience and being happy with his performance. And the good news is that it has fired me up for next year – faster; in better shape; technically better; have stronger power to weight – just better !

So now it is back into the hard work with 1 year to go until the next Australian Championships in Perth and then six months after that to the World Championships.

So stay tuned for the next instalments of the journey. I hope you’re enjoying them and learning at the same time.

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705, 2013

The journey has begun … (Beach Flags – Part 2)

By |May 7th, 2013|Dare to Dream, Goal Setting|0 Comments

Remember my friend Jesper who has just read my book and asked me to show him more specific and actual steps about how I went after a goal – in my case, my goal to become World Masters Beach Flags champion in 2014. You can read the first post here in which I talk about figuring out this next challenge / goal and then figuring out why I wanted it.

Here’s the second instalment.

Step 3 – Structured Goal Setting
Here’s my actual goal setting for my 2014 Beach Flags goal. See below. You will see that I have:
1. The Big Goal – The big,shiny outcome goal written down for 2014

2. Yearly planning – I have the key dates written down over the next 18 months

3. Monthly planning – I have broken this down into each month for the 18 months leading up to the World Championships so I know generally what I’m doing in my training, what my aims are and where I’m heading

4.  Weekly planning – I have a weekly training schedule. What do I train on which day ? I spend a fair bit of time on this weekly plan to get it right as I want to make sure it fits into the other parts of my life eg I don’t want to train on a Friday night as I want to relax and chill out. I want a life too ! And when I don’t feel like it is all-consuming I never get that feeling of resenting my training. It adds to my life rather than takes away from my life. I plan to train at lunch on weekdays so it gives me a break from work and I then work better in the afternoons. And also because I am not good at training in the morning – I prefer just to get into work. I also make sure that the daily program makes sense by ensuring that I have enough recovery for various sessions, that I am training when I have energy (eg not at the end of the day if I can help it), and that I am doing enough training in each of the important training elements (speed, strength, flexibility, technical flags training) so that I ensure I am working on improving weaknesses, maintaining my strengths, are well-rounded in my training etc.

5. Daily planning – then each day for that particular session I will know what I am doing. What weights I am doing or what running session? This is a plan only though so it may change depending on how I am feeling / injuries etc. But the important thing is that it is still a plan. I don’t just turn up to training and then try and figure out what I am doing.

* Write my goals down
Tick.
(As the saying says “A goal is a dream written down or a dream with a deadline !” And surprisingly most people don’t do this as numerous studies have shown. For example see this blog post which describes a well known study by Harvard on goal-setting which Mark McCormack talks about in his book ‘What They don’t teach you at Harvard Business School’. The point – there’s a power in writing your goals down).

* SMARTR goal setting
Specific – at this stage I don’t have enough of these very specific milestone goals. I need to add these. They will be in terms of technique improvements, speed tests, weights I want to lift, diet etc.
Measurable – I will see how I am tracking at State and Australian titles this year. That will be a good measurement. But the more specific milestone goals will all be able to be measured of course.
Achievable – my big outcome goal of World Champion is absolutely achievable if I can stay in great shape and learn the technique from the best. But getting to this point of absolute belief is the topic of another blog post. Or read my book of course.
Regularly assessed – as I add more milestone goals they will be regularly assessed in accordance with the timing I put on them. Again – more need to get added here. But goal-setting is an ongoing process not a set and forget.
Timed – as above
Reward – the fitness and health I gather along the way is enough for me now as I have no big result expectations this year. But as I enter the next 2013/2014 season, as I have encouraged others, I will come up with a specific reward for winning the Australian title and then another one for winning the World Championships.


Step 4 – Support for my goals
Tick. I still train with my brakeman from the last Olympic season (Duncan Harvey) on Sundays to keep me training at that higher level as he is still in training for the upcoming Winter Olympics in Sochi.
I have a great family and partner who are supportive.
I have a coach on the beach flags side who knows his stuff. He is a multiple Masters World Champion himself and his son just won the open World Championships this year.

Step 5 – Get input on my plan
Tick. I always let other people critique my plan and I welcome their input. Sure, it is not cast in stone and will change over time anyway, but my goal-setting is nonetheless the big roadmap that I will follow. So for this reason I want knowledgeable people to look at it and make suggestions and comments to help me make it better. That is why there are scribbles on this page. The point – you can always learn and improve so input from the right people can be invaluable.

 

…  I hope this is helpful. Stay tuned for the next instalment shortly as the last few months have been busy leading into the Australian Championships which have just finished. So there’s more to share on this journey.

 

 

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2304, 2013

The suspended coffee – paying it forward

By |April 23rd, 2013|A Life That Counts, Miscellaneous|0 Comments

I remember when I was writing my book A Life That Counts I was confronted with what my life actually stood for. Basically I had a great family, great friends, lived in a beautiful democratic country, and had spent my life pursuing sporting goals and working hard in banking and finance to effectively contribute to a share price improving.

And in stark contrast I wrote about the issues of human trafficking and global poverty.

It all seemed so ridiculous.

Now I know you can’t always think like this, but it challenges me all the time. Whilst 1.4 billion people live on less than US$1.25 per day, I would throw around money for drycleaning and complain about the jetcat being late.

Then I came across this little story to warm my heart and encourage me to do little things along the way to doing greater things that make a difference.

“We enter a little coffeehouse with a friend of mine and give our order. While we’re approaching our table two people come in and they go to the counter :

‘Five coffees, please. Two of them for us and three suspended’
They pay for their order, take the two and leave. I ask my friend:
‘What are those ‘suspended’ coffees ?’
‘Wait for it and you will see’
Some more people enter. Two girls ask for one coffee each, pay and go. The next order was for seven coffees and it was made by three lawyers – three for them and four ‘suspended’. While I still wonder what’s the deal with those ‘suspended’ coffees I enjoy the sunny weather and the beautiful view towards the square infront of the café. Suddenly a man dressed in shabby clothes who looks like a beggar comes in throught the door and kindly asks ‘Do you have a suspended coffee ?’

It’s simple – people pay in advance for a coffee meant for someone who can not afford a warm bevarage. The tradition with the suspended coffees started in Naples, but it has spread all over the world and in some places you can order not only a suspended coffee, but also a sandwich or a whole meal.

Challenge / Thought
Don’t you love the idea? Wouldn’t it be wonderful to have such cafés or even grocery stores in every town where the less fortunate will find hope and support? If you own a business why don’t you offer something similar to your clients. As for me I’m determined  to find ways to pay it forward more. 

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904, 2013

Bullying, yogi bear & the garbage man, pork chops & karate chops and … beauty

By |April 9th, 2013|Miscellaneous|1 Comment

Shane Koyczan was bullied a lot when he was a kid. So he took that pain and made this stunning video – a spoken poem.  It’s powerful and confronting. Its passionate and beautiful.

  • At 1:10, he talks about the unfair question grown-ups always asked when we were kids.
  • At 1:41, he walks through his career choices.
  • At 2:11, some adults tell him something awful.
  • At 3:00, he decides on an impossible career.
  • At 3:48, he blows my mind.
  • At 4:50, he quotes an line from a cartoon. I never knew how epic that line was.
  • At 6:00, the audience realizes something tragic and funny.
  • At 7:36, he rips my heart out.
  • At 8:41, something awful is said.
  • At 9:15, he preaches the truth.
  • At 10:00, he has a message to every kid who was ever bullied.
  • At 10:49, you have to do what he says.
  • At 11:28, he gets to the beautiful, beautiful point. And everybody gives him a standing ovation.

So if you’ve ever been bullied (and I was) then take heart from what Shane says. If you can’t see anything beautiful in yourself then use another mirror. Look harder. Stare longer. And adults were wrong when they said that “sticks and stones might break your bones but names would never hurt you”. Words can hurt deeply. But … the people that threw around those words have to be wrong because why else would you be here. Why else would something inside you push you to keep trying. And why would God have created just you with your unique personality, talents and gifts. You are not what you were called. You are beautiful for everything that God creates is good !

And to bullies out there – may you be challenged to use your tongue and words to build up not tear down. To magnify not diminish. To encourage not ridicule. To compliment not criticise. To not have to make yourself feel better by making others feel worse. As you grow up and mature you’ll realise that that is one of the marks of real strength and character.

And if you have dreams, then don’t let anyone define to you what they can be. Like Shane points out – so often we’re asked what we want to do or be. And then when we dare share those precious personal thoughts and dreams, we are so often shot down and told they are impossible, foolish, stupid, impractical, unrealistic. We are told what we can’t be or can’t do, instead of what we can be or can do. We are asked to accept the identity others want to give us or asked to accept their own limitations of what’s possible. Show me anyone who has achieved something great and left a mark on this life and I will show you someone who refused to be limited by what others told them. Instead they trod their own path … and the rest is history. May you be encouraged to do the same.

 

 

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2603, 2013

Are you happy ? … some keys and truths to happiness

By |March 26th, 2013|Life lessons|0 Comments

We all want to be happy. It’s natural. It’s on the top of all of our lists, no matter where in the world we live. It’s a good aim.

But many of us aren’t happy are we. And we chase after many things in life in search of it. Heck, there’s even an entire emerging branch of psychology (positive psychology) that has been coined out of the search of happiness and taking a proactive approach to fostering positive qualities in individuals.

The problem though isn’t in determining what we want, but more in figuring out how we go about attaining it.
What do we change? What will make us happy? How do we attain it?
Here’s a few interesting keys and truths around happiness to help you.

 

* Many things contribute to make us happy
Sonja Lyubomirsky is a professor in the Department of Psychology at the University of California. She and her colleagues have done a lot of research into what makes us happy and strategies that can be used to increase happiness. (Sonja Lyubomirsky, David Schkade and Kennon M. Sheldon, “Pursuing Happiness: The Architecture of Sustainable Change“, 2005). According to this research, 50% of our happiness is genetically determined, 10% is determined by life’s circumstances and the remaining 40% is determined by our intentional activity ie what we think and what we do.

That a large part of our happiness is genetic is intriguing I know. (See this article in Forbes magazine for research done around studying identical twins where the common genetic factors played a large part in their happiness, not just the environmental differences in their lives. Or read more about the ‘happiness gene’ as described in this newspaper article). I guess though, that if genetic factors play a role in someone’s intelligence or athletic prowess, then it is not a stretch to believe that a happy disposition can be genetically predetermined.

But more importantly, let’s focus on the fact that a number of factors contribute to whether we’re happy or not. And

 * Happiness is not just about material possessions or conditions

If you assume the above research is true, then what is means is that all that happiness that we seek through material possessions (the better car, bigger house, more money, the new pair of shoes, that new TV etc.) or through our external circumstances and conditions will only make a small difference in our reported levels of well being and life satisfaction (Lyubomirsky, 2007). Far less than what we’ve been led to believe.

It means if you were rich, had the perfect mate, and were in terrific health, you would only be 10% happier than if you were poor, single, and in bad shape physically. 

If your genetic set point favors misery, making a lot of money or even getting a rock hard body won’t tip the happiness scales in your favor. Sure, you may temporarily feel better following an achievement or gaining some material possession, such as a house, but within a year you’ll be back where you were before the changes occurred.

Surely that can’t be true? Are you telling me that I wouldn’t be happier after becoming a millionaire? Well, research proves otherwise. According to studies of lottery winners (see this article), as well as people who became paraplegics from an accident (see here), both groups returned to their previous level of happiness within less than a year. Or see this well known study where Masai herdsmen rated themselves and had the same happiness as the Forbes 400 richest Americans – see details here). Money wont buy you happiness. And most negative life experiences likewise have only a small impact on long-term satisfaction.

Do you see the point?  If you’re already miserable, your misery will continue even if you become a millionaire but if you’re happy in general, even upon becoming a paraplegic, you’ll eventually return to happiness after an adaptation phase.  We spend our lives trying to change our conditions in order to be happy, without realizing that it’s not working.

 

* Following your dreams / goals is good, but stop and think about the point of your goals

Have you been putting all of your energy into setting and chasing goals that you think will make you happy, but may not do so – or certainly not to the same degree as you thought.

Instead of putting almost all of your energy into chasing things that only slightly improve your happiness,  put your energy into that portion of happiness (40 %) that is in your control (what you do and what you think), and learn to harness it’s potential to bring about a happier life.

 

Conclusion

A number of factors contribute to our happiness. But clearly not the ones we think or that we spend most of our energy on.

Like me, you’re probably surprised that your genetics play such a big part in your level of happiness. But that is not the point – don’t be a slave to your genetic set point – anything can be improved. Just as you can learn more and become more intelligent, or lift more and get stronger – you’re capable of greater, more meaningful, happiness.

So put less focus on material possessions and your external circumstances (which don’t massively affect your level of happiness) and put more focus on your internal thoughts and intentions which make a bigger difference to your happiness (and are also most within your control). Find and use strategies to increase your happiness (exercise gratitude, enjoy pleasurable activities, improve your stress management skills, manage and harness your thoughts, make sure you are striving after the right goals for the right reasons etc).

And even if you never win the award for ‘Happiest Person on the Planet’, deepening your experience of happiness is reward enough !!!

 

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1203, 2013

Pure inspiration VI – Narayanan Krishnan – living a life that counts by giving

By |March 12th, 2013|A Life That Counts|0 Comments

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wvJsAaqTuTM

 

In the last two chapters of my book ‘A Life That Counts‘ I write about enjoying the journey and of living a life of significance and purpose that makes a difference and leaves a legacy. Personally, that’s what I want to do. I want to go after my dreams with everything I have and without regret. I want to have a life where I am living my dreams. And I plan to always do this. But I don’t want my dreams to just be selfish. Because if they are – to what end ? I mean, let’s say I have all these personal goals and dreams and I achieve them. Great ! But have I made a difference to others? Am I leaving a legacy ? Am I living a life of real purpose and significance or just living a life of selfish self-fulfillment.

To me Narayanan Krishnan is one of those inspirations to live a life bigger than my own. To think outside of myself. To take myself out of the glass box that I live in. To wake up and get my hands dirtier. To make decisions that will lead me into the life I know I am meant to lead – in charity and philanthropy. Making the world a better place, one person at a time – with a soft heart, but strong head.

Challenge
“Start giving. See the joy of giving.” 
Narayanan Krishna 

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503, 2013

The top 5 regrets people have on their deathbeds

By |March 5th, 2013|A Life That Counts, Life lessons|0 Comments

I wanted to share with you a post by a woman named Bronnie Ware. She worked in palliative care for many years. Her patients were those who had gone home to die and she was with them for the last 3-12 weeks of their lives.  She wrote in her blog about regrets of the dying and I want to share them with you. They’re a good reminder of what’s important and valuable in life and what we should try to remember amidst the busyness and speed of our lives these days.

 

“People grow a lot when they are faced with their own mortality. I learnt never to underestimate someone’s capacity for growth. Some changes were phenomenal. Each experienced a variety of emotions, as expected, denial, fear, anger, remorse, more denial and eventually acceptance. Every single patient found their peace before they departed though, every one of them. When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently, common themes surfaced again and again. Here are the most common five: 

1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me. 

This was the most common regret of all. When people realise that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made.

It is very important to try and honour at least some of your dreams along the way. From the moment that you lose your health, it is too late. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it.

2. I wish I didn’t work so hard. 

This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children’s youth and their partner’s companionship. Women also spoke of this regret. But as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.

By simplifying your lifestyle and making conscious choices along the way, it is possible to not need the income that you think you do. And by creating more space in your life, you become happier and more open to new opportunities, ones more suited to your new lifestyle.

3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.

Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.

We cannot control the reactions of others. However, although people may initially react when you change the way you are by speaking honestly, in the end it raises the relationship to a whole new and healthier level. Either that or it releases the unhealthy relationship from your life. Either way, you win.

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends. 

Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.

It is common for anyone in a busy lifestyle to let friendships slip. But when you are faced with your approaching death, the physical details of life fall away. People do want to get their financial affairs in order if possible. But it is not money or status that holds the true importance for them. They want to get things in order more for the benefit of those they love. Usually though, they are too ill and weary to ever manage this task. It is all comes down to love and relationships in the end. That is all that remains in the final weeks, love and relationships.

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier. 

This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called ‘comfort’ of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again.

When you are on your deathbed, what others think of you is a long way from your mind. How wonderful to be able to let go and smile again, long before you are dying.

Life is a choice. It is YOUR life. Choose consciously, choose wisely, choose honestly. Choose happiness.”

 

Challenge
 Perhaps we should live a little more like we were dying ! With the perspective that you tend to have on your deathbed.
So are there any regrets and life lessons of the dying that you can learn from ? Are there any things that you want to make a conscious choice and decision around (now) in order to change for the better.

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2602, 2013

The journey has begun … (Beach Flags – Part 1)

By |February 26th, 2013|Dare to Dream, Goal Setting|1 Comment

I was talking to a friend recently who had just read my book. He said that he would have loved to have seen even more detail on how I actually went after my goals. He liked how my book described the process and journey of chasing after a dream step-by-step. He liked the stories and examples and advice from the 10 incredible, successful and high-achieving contributors. He liked the psychology.

BUT, he wanted even more detail. What did I actually do as I journeyed towards competing in the Olympics. “Show me and tell me exactly” he said.

So Jesper, with that in mind, I thought I’d attempt to show you in a series of blogs over time, the exact and actual things I did and am doing along the journey to achieve my latest goal – to become the World Champion (40-45 years) in Surf Life-Saving Beach Flags in 2014. It may not be the Olympics, but I will hope to approach it with the same focus and strategy – even if the body isn’t what it used to be !!! So enjoy … and I trust this is interesting and helpful.

Step 1 – Find the Dream
I love travelling on planes as I often take my journal and have time to scribble and ponder, write and dream, plan and scheme. It is that precious time when no one can get me and I often find clarity and organisation. And a recent flight back from Switzerland was no exception. I had just retired from bobsleigh and was just finally finding peace around not needing to go on for another Olympics and moving on to other things. So I was writing everything down to get further clarity and also to help me find that next challenge and goal. I’m a goal-oriented person and I didn’t want to just waste away into post-sport boredom, with no new goal to give me purpose, to excite me, to keep me fit and to stretch me. I’ve learnt to love the stretch. So I started writing and scribbling. The result of that was that over time I came up with my new goal. Part of the dream of what life might look like post elite Olympic level sport. Here are my scribbles …

 

 

Step 2 – What is the big, bright and shiny goal ?
Remember, that you always need to have the big outcome goals. The thing you think about all the time that motivates you. The thing you can almost taste. That thing that is big, shiny and bright. Under those you then have your milestone goals – the smaller, systematic, more achievable goals that you will aim for and achieve (with hard work and strategy) along the way to your big outcome goal.
As I mentioned before, my latest goal that motivates and inspires me is to be the World Masters Beach Flags champion. This is a little collage I have in my training diary. It has the goal written on it as well as pictures that represent things to me. It is like a mini-vision Board for Beach Flags. To give me that extra little bit of motivation whenever I need it and keep the dream front and centre and vibrant.

 

Step 3 – What is my ‘Why’ ?
Remember in my book and workbook I talk about how ‘Knowing your Why’ is so important.  It provides your purpose and once we define it, every action takes on a more definite meaning. Simply put, if you don’t know why you want to do something then why would you do it. And if the why isn’t strong enough then why will you keep going when the going gets tough ? If your ‘why’ is not stronger than what it will cost you and the sacrifice and commitment needed to achieve it then you’ll give up. For example, consider these two people. One makes a new year’s eve commitment to get fitter to feel better or another person who has just been told by the doctor that if they don’t lose weight they will dies and leave their family without a father. Which person’s motivation do you think is stronger ? Which person’s ‘why’ do you think is clearer ? A person without a ‘why’ is like a ship without a rudder. No matter how hard you attempt to sail the rudderless ship, it goes nowhere. It churns ineffectively, without direction.

Or put another way, remember that knowing your ‘why’ is a way of tapping into your deep motivation for why you’re doing what you’re doing. Of engaging the Limbic system which is a separate area of the brain that controls our base emotions – things like fear, anger, sex-drive, attraction. That is, it controls things that happen without us even being consciously aware of it. For example, if you’re embarrassed, you blush – without even thinking of it. Which proves that our emotions often drive us, without our ‘conscious’ more rational part of the brain even having an input. So when we tap into our ‘why’ we are engaging these deep, powerful, ‘unconscious’, emotional drivers. And these are way more powerful than just trying to use your conscious will. (After all, if our conscious will was so effective we wouldn’t need to keep making the same New Years resolutions would we !).

So what is my why ? What will it give me ? Why do I want to do beach flags and become World Masters champion ?

 

 

So there’s my first instalment. Stay tuned for more … I look forward to hearing your comments and feedback …

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